While not as direct, and not as burning as it should be, the primary start to my realization of self came in the form of no longer wanting anything to do with a maleness I had been labeled with and carried throughout my life. That everything it was ever connected to was toxic and bullshit and usually toxic bullshit. I’m still finding my place and thoughts amidst everything, but I know where I *don’t* stand.
Late to this one, but I resonate with your story of transitioning less because of "always a woman" and more because "never a man". Over two years into HRT I still sometimes mentally struggle to categorise myself as "woman", but from literally day one, I held that I was "not a man". I didn't have the secret cross-dressing or the obvious feminity or the longing for make-up - I distinctly remember telling my mother that I wanted to be a "tomboy", so even my idea of myself as feminine was about having a kinda agency to it.
"Refusing to be a man" is at least half of why I transitioned, and it's about time someone else felt the same way.
While not as direct, and not as burning as it should be, the primary start to my realization of self came in the form of no longer wanting anything to do with a maleness I had been labeled with and carried throughout my life. That everything it was ever connected to was toxic and bullshit and usually toxic bullshit. I’m still finding my place and thoughts amidst everything, but I know where I *don’t* stand.
Late to this one, but I resonate with your story of transitioning less because of "always a woman" and more because "never a man". Over two years into HRT I still sometimes mentally struggle to categorise myself as "woman", but from literally day one, I held that I was "not a man". I didn't have the secret cross-dressing or the obvious feminity or the longing for make-up - I distinctly remember telling my mother that I wanted to be a "tomboy", so even my idea of myself as feminine was about having a kinda agency to it.
So yeah. It wasn't just you.